Emotions 101

Sarah

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Well. I’m Sarah, here with my favorite co-pilot, Karen Mitchell.

Karen Mitchell

Aw, thanks Sarah! Nice to be back with you. We’re really excited today because we’re taking this big concept—kids’ emotions —and making it, well, a little less scary and a lot more practical.

Sarah

Totally. And honestly, these emotions aren't limited to kids. We all have the same emotions, the ones we like and the ones we don't, and we all have some instincts when these emotions come up. But first, I think we should start by shaking up one of the biggest mental health myths out there—the idea that mentally healthy kids are always calm or, like, perpetually happy. You know? NO worries, no meltdowns—just chilling through school like little Buddhas. That’s… I mean, I wish. But that’s not real, for us or our kids.

Karen Mitchell

Right! And we talked in some of our earlier episodes, especially when we covered emotional regulation and self-compassion, about how chasing constant calm sets everyone up to fail. A healthy mind actually includes all the feelings—happy, angry, anxious, the whole spectrum. If you care about things, of course you’re going to have big feelings sometimes.

Sarah

Exactly! I say this to my kids all the time. If you never feel worried, you’re either not paying attention, or… maybe you’re a robot. Actually, I said that to my son just yesterday—he was upset that he was feeling nervous about a baseball game, and I was like, “Hey, that means this matters to you! You wouldn’t feel that if it didn’t.” And, you know, I really want to normalize that, because life is messy—and thank goodness it is, right?

Karen Mitchell

That’s so true. I mean, for me, when I see a student get frustrated or even teary over something challenging, I think: wow, they care. That’s a sign of engagement. Like, if everything was smooth sailing all the time, I’d actually be worried!

Sarah

Yeah! I mean, think of any relationship or goal you genuinely care about—there’s joy, an equal amount of stress, sometimes anger, sometimes anxiety. The presence of those feelings just means you’re actually living a full, meaningful life. There’s just no way around it.

Karen Mitchell

And if you can tune into those emotions, even the tough ones, they’re giving you really important info. It’s when we try to avoid or squash them that we sometimes get into trouble, which actually ties right into what we’re talking about next…

Sarah

Yeah, let’s break down what some of these “tough” emotions are actually doing for kids. So, the big four we see a lot are sadness, anger, fear, and anxiety. I think teachers and parents spot these behaviors, but don’t always know why they’re surfacing.

Karen Mitchell

Exactly. So, start with sadness. When a kid is sad, the instinct is often to withdraw—that’s kind of their system telling them to step back, reflect, and maybe find some support. But it isn’t just a “bad” feeling to get rid of. It’s their brain saying, “Something’s changed or I’ve lost something important, and I need a beat to figure this out.”

Sarah

Yep, and then there’s anger. I think people always react to anger like, “Oh no, meltdown incoming!” And sure, it can be disruptive, but anger actually signals that something feels unfair, or there’s a threat. The action urge with anger is to do something—maybe to stand up for yourself, or set a boundary—it’s not always about aggression, but about correcting something in their environment.

Karen Mitchell

And you know, not every anger outburst even fits the moment. Which brings up fear and anxiety—they kinda get lumped together, but they’re not the same. Fear is about what’s happening right now, and anxiety is like worry about what might happen. Both can make kids want to avoid stuff, which, honestly, is sometimes good. Like, anxiety actually helps us plan for problems—we’d be in trouble without it, right?

Sarah

Totally. I think back to, I don’t know, six or seven different school events where my own kids’ anxieties got us super prepared—maybe too prepared, sometimes! But that urge to “problem-solve” is the core of anxiety—it’s like a built-in brain hack. But it does go sideways when it pops up too often or at full blast over tiny things.

Karen Mitchell

Here’s an example I recently heard about from a teacher friend of mine. There was a student, let’s call him Alex, who started pulling away from his group, not talking, wouldn’t join activities. Everyone thought he was upset about something with his friends, but eventually, after some gentle digging, it turned out he was just totally sleep deprived. He wasn’t sad about anything in particular—he just needed rest. And it took a while to figure out that not every “sad” behavior is rooted in the school, or home, environment. Sometimes, it’s just basic needs not being met.

Sarah

Oh, so good. And it’s a perfect set-up for what comes next: not every emotion hits the “right” target. Sometimes our reactions are, well, kind of off track. And when that happens repeatedly, that’s when kids need a little extra support…

Sarah

Definitely. So, emotions get messy when things like sleep, memories, or how we see situations start distorting what we feel. Like, a kid might react with full-on panic to giving a class presentation, even though it’s not actually dangerous. I mean, I’ve had kids tell me it feels like they’re being chased by a bear when really, they’re reading a poem in front of classmates. Huge mismatch, right?

Karen Mitchell

Oh, absolutely. Or you can get this cycle where a child avoids participation, not just once, but so often it becomes their new normal. That’s a red flag—maybe the sadness or anxiety made sense once, but now it’s driving them away from things they’d actually learn to enjoy if they got through the first bumps.

Sarah

Yep, or you see anger pop up in these kind of odd situations—maybe your beloved hamster dies, and next thing you know your child is yelling at a friend about something unrelated. Sometimes our emotions pop up where they're not invited. Like, the anger’s real, but the trigger isn’t what we expect. That’s when it’s important to dig a little and connect what’s going on inside to what’s really happening on the outside.

Karen Mitchell

Parents and teachers can really help here, just by getting curious. You don’t have to launch into a therapy session. But you can ask, “Do you think this feeling is helping you right now, or kind of leading you in circles?” Help your child put their feelings into words and notice what triggered them—sometimes just getting it out lowers those big feelings.

Sarah

Yeah—and I’ll just add a tip from previous episodes: Remember, as a parent, it’s not about stopping the emotion in the moment. That's often impossible once the emotional storm is in full swing. But you can take a breath (or 10). wait for the storm to finish, and then help your child process what happened afterwards. That little pause can do wonders, and staying calm in big emotions, or holding back from asking a lot of questions, or giving a lot of demands WHEN the emotion is happening, can actually settle things down more quickly. And sometimes, you discover the emotion actually does fit the facts, so then you can start to problem solve with your child once they're acting more level-headed.

Karen Mitchell

So true. One more quick tool: if you notice a pattern—like repeated avoidance, or anger showing up with no obvious reason—it’s okay to name it, gently. Bring it up with your child, in a way that’s not judgmental. Sometimes, just shining a light on that pattern helps kids start to work through it.

Sarah

And remember, it's normal for parents to have big emotions, too. These tips take practice. Karen, as always, it’s been so helpful to do this together!

Karen Mitchell

Same here, Sarah. I love these conversations—we always end up learning something new from each other. Thanks to everyone listening for joining us today!

Sarah

Alright, we’ll see you all next time on The Well. Take care and goodbye Karen!

Karen Mitchell

Bye Sarah! Bye everyone!